i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)

 i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)

i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

 

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

 

by E.E Cummings~

我现在应该睡觉。。。。但是我要准备我回国的事。。。太紧张。。好像噩梦。我不知道为什么但是现在我的感觉就是我是个梦中人。有很多事。。。但是我需要睡觉，今天周喜给我她的被子，我用那个被子的时候好像是我在她们的房间。让我更放松一点，希望我也可以做很好的梦，在梦里可以跟朋友们再见面。。。

Today was one of the hardest days of my life so far. my roommate, and two of my best friends here in Guangzhou returned home to Korea. Last night I went to sleep about 4am, just couldn't sleep I guess. This morning I watched as my roommate left, and then went to help with Zhou Xi and Shan Li's luggage.Not long after they left in a taxi for the airport...Going back to my room was the weirdest feeling in the world, seeing my roomates bed and desk bare. I cant really explain the feeling just kind of numb and empty...As you know this has been my like now for 6 months, and to walk into this empty room is just...Luckily Yang Yi my chinese friend was here to take me out shopping, better then staying at home I guess, but while we were shopping I kept here familiar songs, reminding me of the times I had with my friends here, every bloody song reminded me of something! Gosh, it was horrible nearly burst out crying in the middle of KFC! When I came back from shopping I took a moment to look at the building which Juhee, Shanli and Meili lived...I could see there balcony door open, so weird this feeling just expecting them to come walking down any moment or give me a call saying 'hey im outside xiao mai bu, come over'...its a total ghost town..for 6 months we lived together and in one day everything has completely changed. I realy have so much to say but no way to say it. But one thing that cheered me up was when Yang Yi told me something special about "chinese good bye"...which is 再见, translated into english this means not goodbye, but see you again...and so to all my friends in Guangzhou, 再见 I will see you all again, somewhere in the world...

Hi Vanessa this is a special translation for you! basically I said it's hard to live in China because I can't see my best friend, and that makes me so sad!!!and hmm I will read it again and see if there is any other relevant stuff to translate...haha I talk to much crap!!!!

三天以前我的朋友（事实上我的妹妹：））走了。。。她去德国了。当然我伤心了。不知道什么时候能再见面。。。在星期三晚上我收到sms 。欣子告诉我她就去上海，and said our final goodbye...我也有最后的哭， 但是我肯定以后我会见面。。。谁知道。。可能我搬家了。。我想一想，如果有机会，我要住在广州。。。有时候很伤心，现在我有最好的朋友在澳大利亚也在中 国。。住在中国的话不能看我的家人也最好的朋友Vanessa。但是住在澳洲的话不能看我的中国朋友。我觉得真的没办法。想一想有时候生活很辛苦，认识很 多最好的人，但是当然我们的情况都不一样，所以我跟有一些最好朋友一起的时候真的不够。只要希望欣子往不记我谢谢你欣子给我很多帮忙，真的不知道感谢你才 好，真的。Untill we meet again*! oh...很抱歉，不知道我的汉字写错了还是对了，但是希望你明白得了我大概的意思。

Last night was an eventful night, well a hilarious night I must say...Lucy (my friend from Scotland) and myself were suppose to have dinner with a nice french girl from our dormitory...however we were quite hungry and when she told us there would be 9 more people eating with us we thought we'd go to McDonalds instead..opps ! I know, but it's right across the road and yeah...that's my excuse so deal with it! Anyway at McDonalds I seriously nearly died from laughter, just everything Lucy says makes me laugh, just had to be there I guess..Anyway on our way back to the dormitory Lucy and I spotted the french people and since we felt so bad for ditching them we were trying to find a way to avoid them...I suggested hiding in the palm trees but then I thought ok what if they come through this path...what are we suppose to say???Oh hi guys...just admiring the,ah, palm trees...care to join??? Lucy suggested breaking off a palm leaf and sticking it to the backs of our heads while proceeding to do a army roll across the path....yeah in the end we just decided it was best  to brave it and say hi...haha..On the way upstairs Lucy helped me carry my huge ass bottle of water, well actually we were laughing so hard that we managed 2 steps before we dropped the bottle...thankfully our english friend Stewart came carried it for us...otherwise goodbye water.Anyway that was my night.... ta ta!

La la la it's raining outside and I thought I'd take a break from my studies...Seriously my brain is bout to explode so many new characters to learn!!!but yea nothing much interesting to tell, yesterday we went on a 'tour' of Guangzhou, it was pretty lame, well actually I wouldnt know since when we arrived at Chen Family Temp me and my friend Micheal (german boy) ran away, haha no actually we asked to leave. So we took the metro back to uni and pigged out on McDonalds, mmmm so good, and then went back to the dormitory and watched 'Troy". When everyone else got back me and Micheal laughed at them mwhahah kinda mean but hey all in good fun. Anywayyyy so tired, since stayed up till 5am again chatting, man some of the people here are just too hilarious I can't stop  laughing...like the other night me, katy(aussie girl), david (usa guy), micheal and stew (english guy) went to dinner and somehow ended up in a random karaoke hotel competition, it was bloody funny. It was so random all us foriengers walked in and seriously the whole audience turned around and watched us, and during the contest David, a huge tall african american was singing along and waving banners and ssooo funny. and then we went to starbucks and me and Katy nearly spat our drinks out when Stew did his"mad cow disease" face...omg so funny anways time for study! Ta ta

Just want to say congratulations to my first student of bike riding Xin Zi! So happy to say that after many long hours she can now ride around her apartment garden! YAY! Anyway for those of you who don't know Xin Zi is an awesome girl who I have been living with previous to comming to the dormitory. She is 16/17 student who goes to the top school in Guang Dong because she is one smart girl! Anyway she is going to Germany in a couple of days for an exchange, like me!, however one big problem...she has to ride a bike to school...and why may you ask is that a problem? well because she has never riden a bike! yea so I took it upon myself to teach her...and after approximately 27 crashes progress was made! Felt so proud :) But sad to say I didnt get to see her riding around the garden..oh well. I hope I didn't traumatise her, with my excellent teaching skills and all eg. "yea just sit on the bike and pedal...." pure genius I say! well im off, ive caught a cold, hmm guess i ll have to go on a mission to find some medicine...great, where's mum when I need her!!! Hoo Roo

hello well today was a random day indeed. Went to sleep at 5am because I spotted a random group of students sitting outside the dormitory and decided to introduce myself. There were guys from Russia, Germany, Boliva, Korea, Maritius, Poland and a girl from Scotland. We had fun talking in Chinese, since the Korean guys could'nt speak english we had to use it. So strange but last night my chinese was so "more better" (hehe chinese english). The guys were also teaching us to say words in spanish "gracias" etc and the guy from Poland was so funny he had to much 白酒。。。 Me and the Scotish girl could'nt stop laughing at him. Anyway after lunch I took the Scotish girl to Beijing Road, a shopping strip, and we had fun looking at the chinese fashion. So random today she told me she was so bored one day she started making theories about chinese dwarf people, and how she wondered if they were shorter then western dwarf people...i know random! But...! Tonight after dinner guess what I spotted...a chinese dwarf person! it was so bizarre....yea i know your probably think so what...but yea anyway...enough of that I'm off to sleep

Vanessa, I am so sorry that you waited soo long for me to come online....basically the afternoon went like this...met up with person, kept saying I need to make an important phone call to Australia, and met with the reply "oh yes no problem"...half and hour later, I have to go now..."ok yes no problem"...1 hour later..I NEED to GO...NOW! Once I got back to the dormitory, sorry but I can't quite yet call it "home", I asked the receptionist in broken chinese for my mosquito net hanger thingy...but let me first say that my friend asked for it yesterday afternoon, and I asked for it this morning and was assured it would be here tonight...so tonight when I asked...oh no sorry not here, come back tomorrow...WHAT the HELL! arrggh also what really pissed me off was that I have to go to hospital and do tests for my VISA...I hate VISAS! anyway enough winging this is my attempted apology to my bestest buddy...sorry V! I wish you could come to China for one day and see that everything here takes a million times longer...PERFECT example...today Xin Zi and her teacher and my roommate took me to the bank...we waited ages, and there was one desk free...do you know what the bank employee was doing? No, he was not serving anyone, in fact he wasn't even trying to look busy, he was sitting at his desk and smiling...smiling at no one at all! FREAK out! That's the way things here are I guess...'sigh'

Hi everybody, well just me for now as I haven't told any one I now have a 'myspace', aren't I so cool...Yea well for those of you who don't know I have been living in China now for two months...It is so strange, honestly still feels so unreal! I'm in China???...anyway...yesterday I moved onto Zhong Shan campus, and I'm still kinda in shock. Ok I admit it, I may be 19 years old but I haven't really ever needed to fully look after my own self eg. wash my own clothes, cook food etc...Now I'm living in dormitory. A part of me just wants to vege out and do nothing, but now I guess I've got to face reality...It's time for me to grow up. I guess that's why I have been feeling depressed a bit since yesterday, I feel like I have to act like an adult now, but am I ready??Can I face the challenge of daily chores such as washing my clothes??? I know some people may find it pathetic,  I know Xin Zi does!, but it was just the way I grew up, everything was done for me...and now I have to learn to do it myself. That's why I chose to come to China I guess just to force myself to become independant...Well let's just hope for all our sakes that I don't burn down Zhong Shan University in the process!! ahhhh that's enough rambling for one day...